12 Years Later

As many of my 25 readers know in 1995 I packed up and moved to San Francisco. I had no place to live. I had no job. I didn’t know what the future would bring and I didn’t care. I did have another person in the same situation who moved there with me. Which is something. But, it was still a pretty “courageous” thing to do. (I think)

I made the move because I felt I didn’t have a choice. I needed something in my life to prove who I was as a person. That driving force that makes you, you. I broke out of myself and became myself. I lived, I worked, I danced, I grew. I did some things right and fucked up a lot. With all of the right things and all the fuck ups I looked back and did not regret a thing. I moved and moved and moved and moved.

I left SF knowing that I would bring that spirit back home. I was a 36 year old “kid” who was going to show the world that regret was a word and nothing else.

And then…..

I crawled back into the shell.

I became satisfied. I forgot what I was taught. Or should say, what I taught myself. I’ve become the scared little boy who thinks the world is just too big.

I once again have to re-evaluate the word Regret.

Luckily it’s three days before Halloween. I’m hoping my costume will be that person 12 years ago.


5 Responses to “12 Years Later”

  1. You are the greatest person i know! one thing at a time right? its going to be great. just you wait and see darlin!

  2. blah blah blah whine whine whine get over it

  3. Man – who are you foolin’? You have shown me and everyone else that regret is just a word! Just because you’re using your head and not diving into the shallow end doesn’t mean you’ve crawled into your shell again. I *know* you will dive once you’ve figured out where the right depth is….

  4. Sam's friend Says:

    All play the varied game of life with chance to win or lose
    The game goes on from day to day to baffle or amuse.

    Some play the game with confidence
    Some paralyzed with fear
    Some play with high expectancy
    Some fail when victories near

    Play on my friend the game of life
    No matter how you fair
    Play on
    Play hard
    Play to win
    But always play it square.

    ( A little corny I know, but hope you can glean some truth or wisdom in it someplace.)

  5. The only things we should regret are those which we HAVEN’T done yet. As long as we are living, we are learning, and when we know better, we do better. Be true to who you are. This Halloween don’t disguise yourself as that person 12 years ago, become him. Only this time you’ll be stronger because of what you’ve lived and learned in those 12 years.

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